I just need to deal with my life. I keep on thinking that I can control my feelings and just act happy, which I have been doing for quite sometime but it's fake. It's me faking myself out while I've been brushing everything under a rug and never dealing with anything. It's catching up to me in a hard way. 

This Rut is now. Now is always.

The void is from a lack of creation. I feed off others. A mix of laziness, disinterest, and loss of purpose has landed me into this rut. Not sure what this is, mostly because I'm always in a this. In retrospect I seem to always be in a rut. I need to start paying attention to what I like, what truly makes me happy, not just will be a safe option.